What Hurts the Most
by Different-Angel
Summary: No expensive gifts, no false looks. Nothing else. A Troypay. Started as a songfic oneshot for the season time, but contiues as a story. Please review.
1. What hurts the most

Hey there! Thanks for checking it out!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own HSM or any of the characters involved in it. Neither do I own the song _What hurts the most_ from_ Cascada_

**Rated**: T (just to be sure)

**Genre**: Romance/Hurt/Comfort/Friendship

**Couple**: Troypay  
**Summary**: Well, this is just a oneshot (It's now a story), based on the song_ What hurts the most_ from_ Cascada_. A while ago I listened to this song and pictured this story to the lyrics….You'll see.

Hope you like it and review! (…..Please…..)Don't forget to review!!! Enjoy the story!

* * *

**WHAT HURTS THE MOST**

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don't bother me_

"You're dead Bolton!" I heard when the door of East High closed behind me. Immediately a strong wind embraced my body. It was bloody cold. Winter was finally here.

I pulled the collar of my Kashmir jacket tighter against my neck, as I walked towards the gang in the middle of a snow fight. It was beautiful. I mean the surroundings, not the snow battle. I just love this time of year. Everything is as a gift-wrapped present, crystal sheets cover up different places, school's out and it's the one time my parents are at home for sure. And Ryan and I can spend the whole week with them – if they are not on a party somewhere. It's sad they don't see how that makes us feel-I mean they're our parents.

Snow flakes kept on falling on my heated cheeks, where they melted into drops of water. I saw Chad launch a snowball at Troy that missed him completely.

"You never could throw a ball." He laughs at him-to tease. Troy.

_I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out_

His smile has always been so friendly and warm. Even when it was fake. Yes, I knew when he gave me a lot of those in junior year. The memory made my chest tighten. Every time he directed me such a smile it hurt as hell, although I suppressed the feeling and kept my posture. My actions were obvious. All could see I was attracted to the all-star player, but none, except my brother knew I was in love with him. Even I didn't know; how could anybody else? I didn't realize it until the end of summer at Lava Springs. How much loyalty had bonded him with his friends and how much he would give up for them. I never saw anything like it. Our parents were barely home, so when we were little, Ryan and I were left in the care of professional babysitters – cold and strict. Why did I become the bad twin, if we both had the same babysitters? Truth be told – father was always away. And when mother was pregnant she had her heart set on a boy. She ended up with one, but also got a girl for free. Ryan always got her affections and he built up a special bond with her. Therefore I got everything a girl could ever wish for, except what I really wanted. Love. Because I was jealous, I shut myself from other people and Ryan became the 'poodle'. It was still wrong, although he did it because of the reason, he loved me. He knew how to. I didn't. When we returned to East High for sophomore year, I told him I was sorry. His reply on it was: "I love you, sis." And Ryan and I grew closer, just like a brother and sister should. He was no poodle anymore.

That time I learned what love actually means. Love isn't an expensive gift you can buy. Neither is it something you can force. Love is supposed to be something unconditional. Something that makes you smile like a child on Christmas day, when he opens a gift he's been waiting for so long. The same time I learned I was in love with Troy Bolton.

_I'm not afraid to cry_

I kept looking at him, standing a little away from all of them.

"Ice Queen!" Chad finally caught a glimpse of me. I just rolled my eyes at his words. Oh boy, I still didn't get rid of the nickname. After I let people get to know me, without the shield, I got quite fond of them.

The next thing I saw was a big, wet snowball flying right into Chad's face. Laughter erupted from the others, while I was trying to hold back mine – unsuccessfully that is. The same person that threw the snowball, quickly made his way to me, while Chad was still busy getting the rest of snow out of his hair.

"Hey, Pay." He greeted, reaching me. His cheeks were flushed, his jacket buttoned up to his neck and little clouds of breath left his lips when he spoke. It was adorable.

"Hello Troy." I smile friendly. Troy was probably the only one who called me Pay, except for Ryan. He returned the smile - always the gentleman.

"Care to join?" He asked, wiggling his brows. "You know you want to."

Oh, he was giving me that look again. It was funny and cute at the same time. If he could only know how hard it was for me, when he did that. But I couldn't give in.

"Ah, you know me to well."

"What can I say?" He shrugged his shoulders. While he was distracted with this, I took the opportunity and nudged the hand in which he was holding a nice and round snowball. SMUSH! It hit home base at the bottom of his chin. His shocked expression told me everything. Score. Amused, I watched as half snow, half water ran down his neck.

"Got-cha!" I whispered, leant forward, before quickly jumping back and out of his reach. He abruptly smiled and went after me.

"You're gonna get it Evans."

_Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

He was the best basketball player and all-in-all the best jock at East High. I didn't stand a chance. In about eight seconds he caught me, wrapped one arm around my waist and scooped me up.

"Troy!" I yelled between laughs, kicking my legs in the air. "Put me down." But he didn't listen and stuffed a hand full of snow in my face. The Ice Queen would have screamed on top of her lungs, so she could be heard a mile around and the minute she would be placed back on the ground, she would have stomped off angrily. But that was Sharpay Evans. And she laughed and squirmed. After smearing snow in my face, he finally let me down, but kept a tight grip on me. I just loved the feeling.

"Ok, you had your turn, now let me go." I chuckled.

"Nah-ah." His hand went for another pile of snow." I'm not done."

"Troy!" I begged with laughter. But before he tried anything else, he got interrupted. Gabriella came dancing along and dumped some snow on his head-what seriously got his attention.

"Catch me, B-boy!"

_There are days_

Troy's arm momentarily left my waist and went for his other target. My laughter lay down a bit, as I caught my breath and watched him grab Gabriella from behind. He hugged her tightly and started to softly rock her in his arms-and wouldn't you know it, my smile disappeared and my good mood with it. Like I said: You can't force love. And Troy Bolton never loved me. He loved Gabriella Montez and fortunately for him, she loved him back. They say if you love someone, you must let them go-so I did. I didn't want to be the bitch I was before and I didn't want to hurt Gabriella either. But the more I hung out with them, the more it got unbearable for me. Yes, I didn't want to break them up, but I couldn't stand it either. Whenever he put his arm around her protectively, whenever he planted kisses on her. It hurt. Deeply. The worst thing was, I could do nothing about the pain.

I stiffened when he kissed her cheek. Suddenly I wasn't only feeling cold, but also sick. That was happening more and more often. Footsteps, stomping through the snow, caught my attention and when I turned around, Ryan was already by my side.

"Hey sis, now that you're here we can finally have a snow-fight." Hi large scarf and one of his famous hats made him look-just silly. I had to smile.

"Yeah, us three against the two 'Brains' and the Basketball Captain." Chad joined us, throwing up and down a snowball in his hand.

"Thank you, but I'll pass." I replied as sweetly as possible. I didn't want them to feel insulted.

"Come on, Sharpay." Gabriella begged, still embraced in Troy's arms.

"Yeah, without you, Ice Queen, I stand no chance against the three." whined Chad.

"You have me." Ryan interrupted, eyeing him dumbly.

"Like I said, I have no chance."

_Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

"Pay." I heard his soft voice and turned around to him." Just for a while."

His left arm was now resting on Gabriella's shoulders. I smiled weakly - just to be polite, but inside…..That's another story.

"It's not that I don't want to. It's just that I'm not feeling very well- I think I'm sick.." That was party the truth.

"I'm gonna go home." I quickly added. "Have fun guys."

I heard a few goodbyes and in the distance first impacts of the snow-fight.

_What hurts the most, was being so close  
And having so much to say  
_

As often so, I found myself at a children's playground on my way form East High home. Every time I took that way home, I stopped at the playground for a while. Here I always, for some reason, had my peace. My favorite was the swing, where I was sitting that same day. It was so quiet it was almost creepy. I couldn't believe I had ditched my friends again, just because of my….stupid….feelings. I either didn't hang out with them or swallowed everything and cried my eyes out as soon as I was alone. Who would have thought that the Ice Queen would cry over a boy? Yet, he isn't only a boy. He is Troy Bolton. Although I was alone I did not want to cry. Tears but soon ran freely down my face. They were really warm, when on the other hand, their fresh tracks burned coldly.

_And watching you walk away_

"Sharpay?" That was weird. I heard his voice and begged it was only my imagination. I did not turn around, but rather fixed my view on the ground. My prayer remained unheard; footsteps were coming closer towards me, until a pair of boots stood in front of me. My head rose and my eyes fell upon the one and only Troy Bolton, in flesh and breathing. He was looking down at me with those eyes. Thos innocent, lost eyes and didn't say a thing. I figured out I had to break the uncomfortable silence.

_Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

"H-Hey….W-what are you doing here?" I stuttered, completely forgetting he could see I had been crying.

"I'm on my way home." He breathed, calm and…concerned? He waited a few seconds before he opened his mouth again.

"Are-Are you okay?" Of course I wasn't. I had been crying. The Ice Queen had been crying. I couldn't tell him that, because the reason I had been crying was he and telling him that would cause a lot more problems the not to.

"Nothing to make you worry your head about it." I smiled weakly at him - that was the second time that day. He didn't buy it, yet didn't want to push it. He was too nice.

"You sure?" What should I have said to that? All I wanted to say was: NO. I did not want to lie to him. And a 'yes' or 'yeah' would have been big, fat lies, so I just nodded. He almost couldn't, yet he smiled encouraging.

"Okay" He paused and dug his hands in his pockets. "I guess I'll see you around the holidays. You know - Hang out or something."

_It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
_

Sure. Hang out or something. I knew that I wouldn't see a glimpse of him in the holidays. He would make plans and promises, but would end up spending the holidays with Gabriella. They would exchange Christmas gifts, fool around in the snow and cuddle together in front of the fireplace, with a blanket and two cups of hot chocolate.

"Sure." I murmured, my lips revealing a small smile.

"Then it's settled." He smiled and turned to walk away. It was ironic. Every time he walked away I had a feeling he walked away on me. I lowered my head and eyes to my feet to avoid everything I might have felt.

"Unless,.." I raised my head and saw his back still turned to me. He stood there and looked at me, like he never looked at me before.

"Unless you want to talk. About anything. Anything at all. Even if it's the most unimportant reason." He sighed deeply. "I know we've……… never been really good friends before the whole 'Lava Spring's' accident, but…..Now, that you've opened up ……you're…..A really…Sweet girl." He smiled. "And it's nice to be around you."

I could feel my cheeks starting to swell to a cherry red. _He-he said I was sweet? He thinks I'm sweet._ Those words out of his mouth were like fresh air to my lungs. That would only make me soft. _Be a bad guy! Just for once!_ I did not want him to become a bad guy. I liked the guy he was, he's always been. The fact would only make it easier for me to get over him. But, I couldn't, I couldn't. Before the blushing turned to obvious, I composed myself and smirked.

_But I'm doing it_

"Tell me something I don't know."

He chuckled and I gladly joined him, but he quickly turned sensitive on me. _Damn you Troy!_

"Pay?" He asked and I looked up from my feet, which I was staring at again._ Why does he keep on doing that?_ "I'm here for you. Okay?"

_Darn. How__ can I keep on pretending when he keeps playing the caring and loveable guy?_ He was making it harder and harder for me. Getting near wouldn't help. He should have yelled at me, ignored me, acted rude and selfish, jerk, ego. But all these things never fitted him. Troy is one in a million. He is the guy you dream about. He is the one you take home to meet your parents-if they're home that is. He is the guy you marry after 6 years of dating him. Let's face it, he is prince charming, minus the white horse of course.

"Okay."

_Why did I do that?_ I knew he could never be there for me. Not now. Not like that. Then why did I lie? Why have I always kept on lying? Because I feared to tell the truth. YES! I did. And if I was lucky people were pleased that way. A lie was just simpler then the truth. Also, Troy was happy.

_It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone_

"Good" he softened and relaxed visibly. He was glad and so was I. His hands rested in his pockets like before and his breath built little clouds. "See you around Pay-pay."

His feet crushed the snow beneath his steps as he started for home.

"You too Troy."

The sight of his body soon disappeared from my view and I felt like breathing again. I sighed. He desperately wanted to help me. He wanted to be a friend. Sadly, I never saw him just as a friend. He was the friend and the love I craved for so much. I wished for nothing more then love. Nothing more then the feeling of being loved and that would be enough. No expensive gifts. No false looks. Nothing else.

_Still harder getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret_

I looked straight up at the sky. It was completely white, with light shades of gray. Small snowflakes danced in circles from above. It was Christmas. The time when miracles happen and wishes come true. I never really believed in that. I only believe what I personally experience. And I never experienced that. But could it be true? Could my prayers be heard? I shook my head. Probably not. But the again….

I threw my eyes up again. _Nothing else._ _No expensive gifts. No false looks. Just the feeling of being loved._ I closed my eyes.

_But I know if I could do it over_

He is my friend and my love. Yet my love, he can't be, for many, many reasons. What hurt the most though was that he didn't know how I felt. I thought about how I had to tell him, but would never get the chance to tell. I would watch him grow up and grow apart from me and never knew how I felt for him.

At the last thought something made me feel uncomfortable. More then uncomfortable. Dreadful. I didn't want him to walk out of my life, not knowing how I felt. He deserved to know that. And so did I. I knew I would one day regret it, if I wouldn't tell him. I had to. I wanted to.

_I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken_

Suddenly, I leaped off the swing and almost stumbled. I balanced myself though, blinked a few times quickly and took a huge gulp of air, before I dashed after him. Everything went so quick. What was I doing? Snowflakes fell against my face. It began to snow stronger. I didn't care. I didn't care I couldn't feel my fingers anymore. The one thing I cared about was where I was headed when I left the playground behind. My feet forced their way through the snow as fast as never before. And so was the beating of my heart-as fast as never before. I had no idea what I wanted to say or do the moment I would reach him.

"Troy?" I shouted, although I could barely hear myself.

_Do it first then think about it_. This was nothing like me. I always had a plan. Always. But that time my mind was probably on off, because the only thing I felt was my raged breathing and my eyes, which searched for his figure. And there he was. Out of nowhere he appeared before me, struggling through the snow. I stopped, feeling my heart skip a beat.

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say_

"Troy." I murmured quietly, just to myself, before I started after him again. "Troy!" I called, hoping it was loud enough for him to hear. I was getting closer and closer and just couldn't stop. The road was quite slippery. He turned around surprised and caught me just as I bumped into him. His arms instinctively wrapped around me, although he also almost could have landed on the ground with me. Surprisingly, despite the cold, he was so warm. So cosy warm. I couldn't help but close my eyes in the sensation, before his voice brought me back.

_And watching you walk away_

"Hey,.." He chuckled, looking down at me. "Where's the fire?"

This was it. The _Do it first then think about it_ thing. _What should I say to him?_ _Should I even say anything? Why again was this a good idea?_ I just stared into his icy blue eyes. Poor guy. He looked concerned and lost. And I was numb.

"Here." I blurted out and put my hand on my chest-right above my heart. Heck, I had no clue where that came from. "Right here."

_  
Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
_

His eyebrow furrowed comically, when he gave me a quizzical look, his arms still holding me close.

"What?" He smiled.

"I know there's not a chance for this to happen and I don't want anything in return, but…." I gulped. "I had to. I-I just had to. I didn't want to wake up one day and regret never telling you. Never knowing what could have been if I did."

_Where did that come from?_It was good, but I wasn't finished._ Go on, fool._

"I'm sure sometime in the future I would be pissed as hell for that mistake-And you would have left. It-it's just an opportunity, you know. An opportunity. Either you take it or leave it. I guess I decided to take it."

_I'm not afraid to cry_

_Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me_

I swallowed unsure of what to expect of him. It didn't seem much clearer for him then before.

"Decided to take what?" He asked skeptically. "What are you talking about, Shar?"

_What, I need to go into details? Oh, boy…_ I licked my lips, which were starting to get really dry.

"I-I'm talking about…About love." I got it out. And it felt liberating. I couldn't believe it. "That….can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars over the fence, World Series kind of love."

"Love?" He relaxed his grip and became serious, looking at me like a helpless animal. "Who do you love?" _Wasn't he listening before? Is just playing stupid?_

_There are days_

_Every now and again I pretend I'm okay but that's not what gets me_

I don't exactly know what happened to me next, for I lost my temper. I didn't know whether it was because of him or because I felt myself sink as if I were in quicksand. _Is he that blind?_

"Damn you Troy Bolton!" I pushed at his chest so I backed away from him. "You're such a brain dead jock! Are you seriously telling me you don't get it?"

He was clueless and I was seriously humiliated.

"Sharpay-" He was still sweet and reasonable, yet I dared myself to cut him off.

"It's you!" I was furious. I yelled. And I finally told him. "You, you block-head. It's been you all along." I watched his expression. It was….It was something I didn't know how to categorize. At that moment I didn't even give a damn. Words just flew out of my mouth like on a conveyor.

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
_

"I loved you even before I knew it. Even when I denied it. That's why I was upset. That's why I was crying. That's the reason I didn't stay for the snow fight. Because I couldn't stand to look at you and Gabriella." I sighed. Tears stung in my eyes, before they ran down my cheeks. I was crying. _Shit._ "You're so in love and it hurts me to see you two together. And no, I am not okay. You're caring and friendly. How can't I love you? Why won't you ignore me or send me to hell? Why?" It was definitely slipping out of my hands. I couldn't stop myself. "You said you're here for me? You can't be. You can't be here for me and Gabriella at the same time. It's because of the fact that you're with her and every time I see you I wish I could hold your hand, cuddle in your arms and….and just-"

_And watching you walk away_

And there it was. I stopped, but for the wrong reason. Instead of babbling on about it, I rather showed him. My hands clenched his jacket I was holding on, as I stood on my tiptoes, my lips pressed against his. I felt his warm breath against my skin, his soft lips on mine. It was extraordinary. I was kissing Troy Bolton. I didn't know how long we stayed like that, until I pulled away and again felt incomplete. My eyes slowly fluttered open to see his face. He didn't say or do anything, only looked at me. Instantly it struck me. I kissed him. I shouldn't have done it. I'd gone too far. He was taken and I kissed him. That was never my intention. I only wanted to talk to him. And now I had crossed the line.

"I'm sorry…..I'm so sorry." I stuttered and started to run right away. I didn't wait for nothing. My feet quickly took me further down the road to my home. New tears spilled across the already dried ones, falling in the tempo of my running speed. Faster and faster. _No call. No voice._ Nothing.

_Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do  
_

It didn't take me long to reach my house at that speed. I was inside within seconds and didn't mind taking of my wet boots. I just pulled of my hood and slid down the wall next to the door. Burying my head in the palms of my hands I cried my soul out. _How could I have messed up so badly? How could I have kissed him? And Gabriella. She'll hate me for it. He'll hate me._ I screamed out in pain and sorrow. I didn't care. My parents weren't at home. Neither was Ryan. I was all alone-like always-and I could cry and cry. I ruined everything. Including friendships. _How will I be able to look into his eyes again? Or Gabriella's for that matter_? It took me a while until I heard the doorbell ringing and realized that I was the only one home. Whoever it was, was standing in front of the door for some time.

"Just a sec." I rapidly wiped away my tears and stood up to open the door. My hand reached the doorknob and opened the door.

_What hurts the most, is being so close  
And having so much to say  
_

I almost got a heart attack when I saw there was standing Troy, trying to catch his breath. _Did he run?_ His cheeks were flushed red, his eyes steady and his chest moving with the rhythm of his breaths. I was more then surprised. _What is he doing here?_ I opened my mouth to say something when he decided to be faster.

_And watching you walk away_

"You,.." He breathed hard. "You're a terrible Drama Queen you know that?" I still hadn't composed myself. I only looked at him. And when I was again, ready to speak, he again made it impossible. Yet not with words. He reached for my face, where his hands softly cupped my cheeks and lead me towards him. He didn't just place his lips on mine. It was a more confident and lustful kiss, then anything else. He licked and sucked at my lips. I couldn't believe it. I had no idea what was happening. And then I felt his tongue and I let it feel me. When he finally pulled away from me, he leaned his forehead against mine. I looked at his eyes when he opened them and bit my lip.

"Troy-"

"Don't" He cut me off. "Don't ask." He looked into my eyes, still leaning his forehead against mine and I could see he was sincere and honest. "I think you know what it means." He whispered and kissed me again. I smiled into the kiss and let him take it even farther. I guess I was wrong about Christmas. Thanks for my wish come true.

_Never knowing, what could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do_

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I was also thinking to make it a story, but I'm not sure. 

I hope the story was fun to read……But you tell me! Please review!

Oh, and:

MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR

**EVERYBODY**


	2. Pathetic

I'm **back**!!!!! So, I changed my mind- because you guys thought it would be fun if this became a story- and decided to make this a (short) story.

Thanks for the reviews!!!!

Hope I don't disappoint you and you don't disappoint me. Send Reviews and read! Have fun!

* * *

**PATHETIC**

That was 2 weeks ago. And it was the perfect start into the Christmas Holidays, even though I didn't see Troy the whole week. He went with his parents to visit his grandparents and other relatives in New York. So, he wasn't there - therefore I didn't sit all days locked up in my room, selling bad mood. I rather remembered that day and enjoyed every day more then the last, for it was a day less before school would start. Thinking about it, I didn't see any of the gang, only Taylor; a day before Christmas Eve, when she was shopping for presents at the mall with her mom. Gabriella went to New Mexico with her mother; that was for sure and Chad supposedly flew to Minnesota. They were all scattered across the states.

On Christmas day I was already up at quarter to eight. I know - On Holidays!!! What where you thinking??? So what, I couldn't sleep. Big deal. The 25th was a day that Ryan and I waited for more then presents. Actually – We kind of waited for it the whole year around. (Except for our Birthday) Oh, and by the way, he was up at seven. What do you say now?_ …Thought so…_

Five before eight we hurried down the 31 steps, where, in the living room, we were greeted with the most beautiful 7 to 6 feet tall Christmas tree, enclosed with a dozen of presents. _Wait a second. That was not what we were waiting for._ Before the tree, there already stood mother and father in morning robes, their arms stretched out to us; ready to spend the day like a family. A family. _That was it._ And although I got a pile of presents, like every year, the best present was already given to me, few days before Christmas; although no one knew. My parents didn't notice I acted different, but Ryan……Well, he's my twin after all. _You can't fool twin telepathy_. Of course I was giddy all the time, singing songs, which sounded like they were taken out of a mushy love movie and leant towards the act of staring into space, when my face put on a dreamy gaze. And then I found myself asking me the same questions: _Love songs? Staring into space? When did I sink that low? _But, before I answered them, I forgot why I even cared ……. _Yes, Love is an incurable disease._

It was the first day of school after the Christmas Holidays. And as much as I despise school, I couldn't wait for this day to come. I begged Ryan to go to school on foot with me, but he wouldn't give in-he actually thought it was freezing outside-and tried to pursue me to drive there instead. _I miss those days when he was still the poodle-he at least let me decide everything._ Sadly enough I, the 'Ice Queen', let him win. I was so happy I didn't need it.

As we pulled up into the School's parking lot, I felt my heart flutter as if it got little angel wings to fly. _What? I have got to stop doing that. How cheesy._ I practically jumped out of the lime-green convertible and ran off like a Loony Toon, leaving my brother behind.

"Sharpay!" He called after me, so that I stopped and turned around and tried to ramble something in a hurry.

"I'm sorry, Ry….But I-"

"I know, I know." He laughed, cutting me off and waved his hand in a gesture for me to scramble. "Go on" He ordered. "Go!" _He ordered?_ _That's something you don't see every day._

I couldn't believe I grinned as a child which was just allowed to have some cookies, before dinner. I would have slapped myself for it if I would have been aware of it and hadn't been in public. _Seriously - I don't want anyone to think I belong in a mental facility._

"Thanks," I yelled. "See you inside!" And quickly made my way to find him. Him. Troy.

50 meters after, I found myself standing before the same, old front doors of East high, where students were already making their way through. With a relaxing sigh I pushed one of the doors open and there I was. The Hall. I smelled the scent of old books, glue and sweet bubblegum. _Yep, this was definitely it._ I looked around at individuals that were already at their lockers and remembered my destination. _Troy._ And I went down the hallway to Troy's locker_-If I would be lucky enough I would find him there -_ I couldn't help but think about him, and the more I thought about him the more my smile grew. I have no idea how people looked at me or how I looked like, marching down the hallway, with a huge grin plastered on my face. But to this day I remember how I felt. My emotions and feelings were crossed over and had no head or tail. I just had the desire to reach him; maybe then everything would become a little clearer. You know, fall into place or something. I don't know how fast I was and how long it took me, but I was suddenly aware of his locker I saw from afar.

And there he was. His hair was not even combed - I actually liked it that way. The red T-shirt matching him perfectly. His smile lovely as always and his teeth white as snow. And his hand, his fingers…………….Twirling a strain of Gabriella's hair?

At that point I had already stopped. I only stood there. I don't know if I still had a smile; I certainly didn't feel like smiling. _G-Gabriella? It must be a coincidence. A misjudgment. Sharpay, don't let your mind play games with your head._ I watched them. I was desperately trying to see any good explanation for the scenario before my eyes. _Maybe she has something in her hair. Maybe he's fascinated with it and is only asking her what shampoo she uses-as if._ It was getting more disturbing with every second that passed. My heart's beat began to slow down and my breathing hard and shallow. His fingers were still playing with her hair. His lips whispering something in her left ear. _How can he? He kissed me. He kissed me after I poured out my heart out to him. He made me believe we had something. A chance. Anything. How could he lead me on. How could he?_ The beating became even slower, but louder. It reached my ears, with an obtuse sound. I almost didn't hear when someone called my name, but I hesitantly turned to see my brother run up to me. Reaching me, he looked sincerely in my eyes.

He saw. He saw them. I knew it by the look he was giving me. My sight started to blur. The breathing harder by the second.

"Sharpay?" I heard Ryan, but scarcely saw him. "Shar, say something! Shar!" I looked around and all I saw were some images I couldn't clearly recognize, but I saw him, and I saw I got his attention and unfortunately the attention of the whole student body, which was currently in the hallway. Breathing: harder; Beating: slower; Sight: hazier. The last I felt was my body, when it hit the floor and I passed out.

I opened my eyes with trouble, but as I blinked a few times my eyes recognized some outlines and definitely could they distinguish colors. I opened extremely dry lips that parted with a 'plop' and breathed in, deeply. As I looked around I saw a person moving near my left.

"Ryan?" I asked and immediately found out my throat was hoarse and it hurt. The person turned around and made its way towards me, leaning closer.

"Oh, you're awake." A high pitched female voice finally spoke. That was by no chance Ryan. I mean sometimes he could over-exaggerate with the altitude of his voice, but that was just too feminine - even for him. My sight slowly got clearer and I looked into the face of the school's nurse. She was smiling brightly at me, her nose perked up and her washed out red locks fell in her eyes.

"Where's Ryan?" I managed to say, still thinking about what happened. "And where am I?"

The nurse squint her eyes a few times and smiled again. _Jeez, it was seriously giving me the creeps… and a headache. _

"Well, dear…Your brother and the others left for class …..You see, you collapsed my dear. Maybe from dehydration or shock….Sometimes a big amount of stress wears your body out." _Shock._ _It was definitely a Shock._ That I gave her right, but I hated it when she called you a _dear_ in every third sentence.

I glanced around the room and truly, I was in the nursery room, resting on the bed, when my memories came back to me.

"You know, you really scared us back there, child." _She's still here?_ I groaned. _Such an attitude isn't going to get you anywhere, Sharpay._

"Yeah" I hesitatingly spoke. "Sure…Whatever." _I'm sure they all as well give a damn!_ I grumbled in my mind, when my conscience budded in. _Language, Sharpay!_ _Shut up,_ I retorted. When I looked back up again the nurse was standing by my side, hands raised to her hips, watching me intently.

"Do you want something?" She finally asked. _Yeah, the last two weeks and my dignity back, please!_ But then again, she didn't look like a fairy-godmother.

"Yes." I got out as I carefully sat up on the bed- You never know how hard you hit the floor when you pass out. "Can I by any chance get back to class?"

"Oh no," The woman squeaked, already pulling at my arm to get me to lie down. "You must better stay here, dear. We wouldn't want that to happen again, now would we?" _God, in an alternative universe she could as well be a serial killer._ I watched as her mouth formed into a very unpleasant smile.

"But, I am perfectly fine." I tried to reassure her as nicely as possible; for I wanted to just yell and storm out in the old Ice Queen manner. Seriously. "Honestly."

I guess she must have been a pusher in her previous life. _What a pain in the neck._

"No buts." She waved with her index finger at me, smiling the whole time. "Lie down and I'll get you some water, how does that sound?" _Awful and … Disgusting._

The thing I did was force myself to smile, but it turned out more as horrified expression and a half opened mouth, showing teeth, as I watched her retreat to the door.

"Be right back." She informed me; closing the door behind herself. I sat there still for a few seconds, eavesdropping to the sound of her shoes clicking against the floor outside. The noise soon ceased. My eyes wandered around the room, limited down to four pale walls and some white furniture. _Some people just don't have any sense of style… Or taste for that matter._

"Of course." I murmured towards the door, before I let my feet sink to the floor and I stood up. "Except I won't be."

Before I knew it, I grabbed my bag, which was currently resting on a chair next to the bed, and vanished through the door.

Empty school hallways always gave me a dreadful feeling deep down in my stomach. It didn't matter whether in the morning, at noon or late in the afternoon; illuminated or pitch black- I still felt kind of weary walking down them all alone.

_Never__ mind that now._ My pace steadily continued down the hall. _Just get the hell out of here before 'American psycho' returns and finds out you're gone._ I wasn't stupid. The classrooms would be the first she would look through, starting with mine. And besides, I didn't want to step before….his face. _God, I was stupid!_ I had to get out of here.

Making my way to the school's door I didn't pay much attention to whatever I saw - what I heard was another story.

A sound. _That sound! _On a handle was given pressure for a door to be opened. Don't let my appearance fool you; my ears pick up almost everything - and maybe I also had a little experience in sneaking around. My eyes drifted to the classroom on the left, not far from me. _Damn it,_ I was done for. It wouldn't take a second before I would get caught and it was not like I could hide somewhere. _I hate School._ I stood stiff as a board; when the person turned to me I unexpectedly relaxed. Not good. _Not good at all._ At least not for the person who was quite surprised to see me. I had no clue if he got a pass to the bathroom or had some errands for the teacher to do, but he sure as wasn't on his way to see me. He stared at me for a while, probably scared the shit out himself on what to say…..or do.

"Hey." Was all he offered; his lips barely moving, trying to smile.

_Pathetic Bolton, really pathetic!_

* * *

Hey, _Chappy_ 2's up. I know, not a great place to end the Chapter, but I had to somewhere, right? 

Hope you like it. Please give reviews!!!


	3. Cried my heart out

Thank you sooooo much for giving reviews and reading the story!!!!! You won't believe how much that means to me! Really, Thanks!

Ok, so this chapter is titled, _Cried my heart out _and I hope it fits the context.

If everything's clear: Ready…..Set…..READ!

* * *

**CRIED MY HEART OUT**

For the following seconds, maybe even minutes, everything seemed to be frozen. No words were exchanged. Nothing. _What? That's all he had to say? A one syllable word after everything that's happened the last two weeks?_ I didn't say anything. I mean, it was not like I had to explain myself to him. It was more the other way around. But all he did was to move his weight from one foot on the other; awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. For me was nothing awkward; it was more or less getting on my nerves_. If he's not going to say something, I sure as won't._ With the same stone engraved look that I greeted him with, I marched passed him and continued down the way to the exit, somewhere between 25 to 26 feet away. My heels hit the floor with every step, which resounded through the whole place.

"Sharpay." _So, now he speaks?! _I didn't stop. It was not worth to stop for him. Not surprising enough, I heard him come after me – You could almost say I felt him. _But, let us not go into details, shall we?_

"Shar, Wait up!" _Shit, you need to be quicker, girl._ Sadly, he already managed to grab my right upper arm, unexpectedly yanking me back. I had to act fast, so I yelled. And I wasn't ready.

"Do not even try and take the nickname in your mouth…….again!"

"I guess 'Pay' is out of the question then?" He gave a shot at smiling. _Was that just a try at being funny? _Putting on the best glare I could manage, I concentrated on my voice, crossing my arms- in a true _queen _manner. Enter: emotionless and certain.

"What do you want Bolton?"

It was something I hadn't used for some time, but it sure as hell made him stumble on his words.

"Don't tell me we're back at the last name calling."

I slowly raised one eyebrow at him. At least he felt uneasy and I was determined to make him feel that like never before.

"Not the point, Basket-boy." I barked. _Harsh-good, but not good enough._ He was quite taken aback by it and seemed……stuck.

"Okay….." He hesitated. "- I can see you're really mad and-"

"Mad? You think I'm mad?" I swiftly cut him off and took a. Deep. Breath. "I am fucking pissed!"

It was visible as his cover basically peeled off. He was desperately trying to reach me- verbally that is-; obviously unsuccessfully. What did he think this was? Who did he think I was?

"Sharpay, please-"

"Don't you try and 'Sharpay, please' me." I don't like pleading. I like honesty – Something he failed at already.

"Just let me explain, will you?"

"What is there to explain?" Shrieking, I threw my arms up. "I told you how felt, you took advantage of it and then ran back to miss 'goody-goody-two-shoes' for some rebound!"

I was angry. I was hurt. And terribly, terribly left with the feeling of being vulnerable. And unloved. Everything was a reason to blame him and let it out on him.

Somehow though, he wouldn't get it. He was pretty intimidated with my behavior – He didn't like it and I kind of liked that.

"Why again, are you acting like the cold 'ice queen'?" I watched as an offended frown crept upon his features. "That's not you."

That bothered him so much? He didn't think I was like the 'ice queen'? _Heck, I invented her._ It was his lack of judgment that he thought so. And maybe I just had something to confront him with.

"There's where you're wrong, Bolton." I paused. _That's it._ "That's exactly who I am…….And should have stayed."

I finished the last sentence in almost a whisper, before I turned and headed for the doors again.

"No." I heard his voice behind me; strong, very strong. "That's who you never were. You were never like her……"

I turned around to him, slowly, as if with barely little energy. He looked so….normally plain. You know – like always. Just like the guy next door. Just like the same old and lovable Troy. But it felt as if he wasn't. I couldn't just block out what happened; what he did to me.

"That is only the way you acted, so you wouldn't get close to anyone, so anyone wouldn't get close to you;…. so you wouldn't get hurt."

"Your point being?! - I got hurt!!"

And he stood there; stood there, with a few broken sparks, which were missing in the reflection of his eyes. _Yeah, stare you coward._ Hot tears stung in my eyes, pleading me to let them go. They were like thousands of needles, poking at my skin; almost making my eyesight unbearable. I forbid myself to cry. Not here. Not in front of him.

Suddenly everything ceased to a scream, coming somewhere down the hall. It was sufficient enough to make us take notice in it. The scream was somewhat damp, followed by a similar 'miss Evans'. My eyes subconsciously squinted together at the sound of her voice. _Dammit, __Mrs. Voorhees is back._ (AN./ She's the original killer in Friday the 13th, 1980)_And she found me…Or didn't in this case._

That was my cue to leave. I had to think of something good. And fast. But as confident as I wanted the words to sound, my lips were undoubtedly trembling and making it hard for me to speak.

"You know what; I don't know why we're even discussing this." At the first impact of my words out on the open he glued his eyes to me again. "I am done with you……With all of you."

I turned completely, facing my back at him. With a step and a second later, I was outside East High, my chest pressed tight around my heart, when in my memory I saw his face at the moment he saw me walk away.

* * *

The walk home was the longest yet. Hours seemed to have passed, before I finally arrived. Like always there was no one there. Mother and father were……Well, basically anywhere; except for home…._I'm surprised they still remember where they live_……_Or how their kids look like,… whatever._ And the afternoon shift for all kinds of employees was to start no sooner then twelve o'clock sharp. I had the whole house to myself, but was really not in the mood for anything actually, so I went for my room, where I stayed the rest of the forenoon.

* * *

_Pink walls. Fluffy furniture. A king-sized bed, with baldachin. How odd you don't f__ind anything like that in Sharpay Evan's room, Isn't it?_ Sorry to disappoint you, but who would have thought the Ice Queen's bedroom is equipped with a computer, a round bed and a poster of Audrey Hepburn and not the usual…pink, you'd expect? _I'm not Malibu Barbie!_ Relieved, I went for the bed, before throwing myself on it._ Today was some shit-ass day._ I sighed. _Maybe a little peace and quiet would help straighten out the mess in my head……Maybe._

* * *

_Home S__hopping. Please, if I want to shop, I go shopping and don't sit in front of the TV for it-boring. CNN. No, thank you. Not today. I'm already worried about my life; don't need the weight of the whole humanity on my shoulders. The Real World's series. Give me a break. The shows more fake then Mindy Baker's boobs- boring. I cannot watch this anymore._

After spending hours in my bedroom and listening to sappy music, it got quite depressive, much? So, I switched to the smaller living room on ground floor, where I've been for the next hour and a half. I sighed and placed down the remote, o-so-slowly starting to drag myself towards the DVD shelf. That's right – a DVD shelf_. It's fun._ There had to be something I could watch from the 3000 choices that wouldn't make me think about my latest problems and in the same time keep me from falling asleep. _Let's see……Now and then-no. Final destination-no. John Tucker must die…Hmmm,…… absolutely perfect for the occasion._

Just as I was about to put it in, I heard the doorbell. Stepping to one of the windows, I pulled aside the curtains and peaked at the quest. I mean, usually it was only me, Ryan and the servants. Today was really only me and the servants – Ryan was still at one of his baseball games_. How much one summer can change a person, eh?...Wait a second, Is that who I think it is? Oh, no._ Oh, yes. _Troy Bolton_. How he got the nerve to come to my house after I had totally blown him off?

_Almighty shit._ I dropped the DVD and raced to the gallery. _No, no, no!_ Finally there, I saw Ramona - our …what was it……third Spanish speaking maid – who already made her way towards the front door rambling something in her native tongue. Thank Heavens mother and father couldn't even understand Spanish. Let's just say: She uses a lot of swear words. The doorbell rang again, reminding me, why I was even here.

"Coming!" She marched her way to the doors. "Espera arriba, perezoso, adinerado asno. Yo necesidad en nuevo trabajo."

"Hold it, Ramona!" The maid startled and stopped to look at me racing to her side.

"Miss Sharpay?" Bewildered, she stared at me.

"The boy" I quickly added and indicated to the doors. "Tell him I'm not at home." She took some time and examined the situation, sure as about to object to something.

"But-"

"Do it…….Please."

I watched as she wrinkled her nose, observing me from head to toe; probably making sure something wasn't wrong with the scenario.

"Bien," She sighed. "I'll do it." I silently thanked her with a smile, before I leaned on the other end of the huge doors, while she proceeded to open the other half. Of course I was eavesdropping. You thought I would just evaporate? _Psh, yeah sure._

I heard some rustle, as I watched Ramona raise an eyebrow at Troy, looking him up and down. I had to smile, at least a little bit. _She could also pass an older sister…or a mother._

"Miss Sharpay is not at home."

_What__ was that? _My eyes bulged out and accusingly started to search hers, but she obviously didn't get what she blurted._ You could have at least let him ask or something._ Seriously, why didn't she just say: _'Miss Sharpay does not want to speak to you and is currently hiding behind these doors, eavesdropping on the conversation'? Oh, boy._

For a moment I didn't hear anything. _He knows something's fishy._ _And yeah, it stinks._ But at last, he replied after all.

"Okay….Can you leave her a message?" His voice reached my ears and I would have lied if I had said it didn't have an effect on me anymore. "Let her know that I'm not leaving until she hears me out. I owe her and explanation and an apology ……..and she owes me to listen to what I have to say."

He quieted down and I realized he stopped, being somewhat done with. I helped myself by looking at Ramona, who seemed to process the information in her head, like a detector. A sneaky detector; recognizing any unsuitable-boy-behavior. _Weird?_ Around a year ago I opened the door to a pizza-delivery boy. Nothing special; my age, maybe older, blond, brown-eyed, kind of cute…._You know the deal._ The thing was, Ramona being also at the door within seconds. When I turned and walked away from them I only heard Ramona's strong voice – spitting out something Spanish I couldn't understand. It later proved itself out that presumably the boy was having 'his idea' of me, and I quote Ramona: _'Looking at my booty, as if I was a __pieza de__ carne__.'_ I hoped she wouldn't bite Troy's head off. _Wait! Why exactly was I hoping that? He deserved to have his head get bitten off._ But Ramona slowly, almost not visibly, nodded her head, before closing the door. I practically fell against the door, letting out a sigh.

"Care to explain, chica?" She asked after a short silence.

"It's…...a long story, actually."

Ramona raised an eyebrow at me, when I looked up at her and a little smile on my lips.

"Well….My shift ends at 8 o'clock and then just happens to be my long-story-telling time."

That was worth a chuckle. Ramona has always been really great; nice, caring and funny…..Almost as a…Mother. Although, the thought didn't make me feel better, I nevertheless smiled clearly at her now.

"Deal."

* * *

I looked at the _Broadway_ alarm-clock on my nightstand. 5.02. _I need to get out of here._ I stood from my bed and walked up to my balcony doors. On my tiptoes, my hand removed the light curtains and I dared myself to peek out. Bolton was nowhere in sight. _I knew he wouldn't hold out standing the whole day outside my house._ I checked again, just to be sure, before grabbing my keys from the desk-table and slamming the door behind.

* * *

I couldn't leave without letting Ramona know I was heading out to cool down a bit. But with that said, I only took my jacket and exited the front door. Then again, down the few porch stairs I wasn't so glad I decided on a little ride. _Cool down? More like heat up._ In front of my red convertible _– Hold the thought! I had my pink one exchanged. It was beginning to freak me out. - _Troy Bolton shifted his feet, hands in pockets, staring me intently. I sighed deeply. Although I could have just returned back inside, I somehow didn't want to. I would have to face him sooner or later. _Sooner it is then._ And I would face him my way. 

With my head raised high, I left step after step slowly and gracefully behind me, until I stood a few feet in front of him.

"Beat it!" I demanded, glared and raised my hands to my hips. _Ice Queen Time._ He didn't want to play though. His eyes – his remarkable eyes – and facial expression said it all.

"No." He said firmly.

"Yes!" I barked. "Now!"

"I said no!" He was feisty. And demanding also – something very unlikely for Troy Bolton.

"Fine." Leaning my head to the side, I narrowed my eyes at him. "Then you won't mind if I run you over."

I moved from my spot and as coldly as I could, made a departure to the right. He didn't twitch a muscle, but I could feel his eyes on me the whole time. Opening the door to my BMW M6 Convertible- the fourth most expensive vehicle to own- _Oh yeah, I like it_- I sat in the driver's seat, buckled up and closed the door, before starting the engine. _This will sure scare him off._ Sadly, it didn't. He softly placed both his palms on the motor lid, steadied himself and looked me directly in the eyes through the glass between us. His eyes. So determined; so…guilty.

The engine humming low in my ears, I was looking back; seconds, minutes? Time was the last thing going on in my head then.

"Would you move!?" I yelled through the scrolled down window. I'm sure it sounded like a request; however it was more of a demand. Not sure whether he thought I wouldn't drive him over or whether he didn't care if he would be driven over, my stony sight, staring daggers into him softened.

I turned the engine off and took out the keys. He was one hard nut to crack, although I knew that already. My chances of getting him to move voluntarily were as small as getting Ryan to wear a dress……Well, at least now - he loved that when we were five. _And anyway, I can't actually run him over. Hello!_

I abruptly stepped out of the car, slamming the door shut. When I came to his side, he already removed his hands from the front and stood facing me. He was quite startled, because I was quick and somehow imminent.

"You got 2 minutes." _That has to be the most monotone voice you've ever put on_. "Start explaining."

He was obviously still a little astonished, for he didn't say a word.

"One minute, fifty-three seconds." I informed him, with a glance at my wrist-watch. He swiftly snapped out of it.

"Fist of all: I am sorry." He breathed, placing palm on palm. "I'm really sorry." _Fine. Speaking of it, it took you long enough!_ "It should have never turned out the way it did." He whispered. My breath got stuck, as I kept watching him_. It should have never turned out the way it did._ It felt as though he tore out my heart and began stomping on it. I needed an intake of oxygen. And Fast.

"Then why did you do it?" I exhaled, a little shakily and bitterly. "Why did you kiss me?"

"What?" His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and then softened as it dawned on him. "I'm not talking about the kiss. I meant Gabriella!" _Gabriella?_

"Gabriella?" I was taken aback – evidently by my reaction. I crossed my arms. "So, you're not with Gabriella?"

"No, - I mean yes…- No, wait." After the first word, he stumbled from each one on. At least the right information got out, and that was the one about him still going out with Gabriella. I had enough.

"Scratch the 2 minutes." I got out, ere I moved passed him, to the other side of the convertible about to leave. I didn't have the nerves or the heart to hear anything more, but what he said next stopped me dead in my tracks.

"Her father died." Although I had my back turned to him, I clearly heard him curse himself under his breath, sighing and continuing with a tired and voice. "I shouldn't tell you this, but……..In New Mexico…….He was supposed to pick her up so they could spend a few days together…."He paused. If to calm down me or him is unknown. "Except….He never came……It was a traffic accident, fatal at impact." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. It was weird and cruel and unexpected. _Gabriella's dad._ I knew her parents were divorced since Gabriella had nine years and that she saw him quite often from then on. As often as possible. She once said that he was her friend; a friend irreplaceable to her. My legs were almost incapable of holding up my body anymore and my breath scratched at my throat. When he spoke again, his voice echoed through my ears so gently and pleadingly.

"Please, don't say you would've expected me to break up with her, after she awaited me on my doorstep, crying her heart out when I returned."

I didn't know. Would I've? I wasn't sure what to think. Gabriella and Troy. Me and Troy. The sudden death of Gabriella's father. My mind wandered into the corners of my brain without my allowance. It was happening again; just like in school. My heartbeat began to slow down; my eyes didn't want to cooperate. _O god, not again._ I had a feeling my knees were about to buckle, sending me to ground. I thought I was going to faint again, as I felt two hands lightly encircle my shoulders from behind. Troy managed to get near me, without me even aware of it, letting me remember his presence. His touch felt so warm and vitalizing. My lungs opened up and allowed me to swallow a large amount on air; my heart-rate starting to normalize.

"Sharpay." His breath on my left ear send cold shiver down my spine. He was the only one able to make me feel that way. "You need to know that nothing about my actions towards you was fake."

I was sure the danger of a pass-out deceased, but I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. _No. Don't do it. You're stronger than this, remember? You're the 'Ice Queen'. Don't launch a waterfall!_

"What's going on?" The voice brought me back to then and there, as a single tear crept down my cheek. The figure also got Troy's attention, when his hands left my shoulders and with them the warmth. At a strongly pulsing heartbeat, I looked bewildered at the person and spoke; my voice high, hoarse and unsure.

"Ryan?"

He stood about 8 feet away, a bag flung over his shoulder – evident that he came home from Baseball practice. And he didn't look to merry as per usual.

"Hey, Shar" His eyes were concerned, but as he threw them towards him, his mouth only escaped a short -"Troy."

Troy stood still behind me and I didn't turn around; I didn't want to; I just couldn't look into his eyes. I wasn't even looking at Ryan anymore. I didn't want to explain the situation me and Troy were in and for all I know I didn't even care to explain. All I did was to stare in front of me. Just stare, at nothing.

"Ryan." I heard his voice low and dubious, when he searched for the right words. It was hard, considering Ryan wasn't much help and looking more then dissatisfied. He knew what happened between me and Troy before Christmas and that day he saw, not happy with the fact of Troy Bolton breaking his sister's heart. "I think I should go. I'll see you around?" He asked uncertain.

"Sure." Ryan breathed, but it didn't seem so sure. I felt as Troy raised his hand to cares my left shoulder one more time before he walked away, Ryan's narrowed eyes on him. Without a word, just a single touch. I refused to look and I didn't until he was gone. Ryan stepped before me and placed his hands on my shoulders, where mere minutes previously laid Troy's.

"Sharpay, are you okay?" His voice was full of compassion.

And I broke down. I finally broke down. I fell into my brother's arms, gripped tightly onto him, messing up his clothes and…..cried. I cried my heart out.

* * *

Ok, so, firstly: I didn't want Sharpay to be all on pink, so I changed her room to a more down to earth type, but still embraced with glamour. _Fabulous._ Secondly: I picked out the TV channels randomly…so….yeah. Thirdly: That Mindy Baker she's referring to is supposed to be a cheerleader in East High – I made her up. Fourthly: Ramona will keep up appearance. And Fifthly: Yes, Gabriella's father died – in my story that is.

Oh, and one more thing. I'm going to upload a trailer to this story on YouTube; I'm going to let you know when It's up. But I already have some videos up, although they're nothing special. The username is JustDifferentMe and I have three videos uploaded: Three intros to seires - HSM style (OneTreeHill, Dawson's creek, BeverlyHills 90210).

I hope the chapter wasn't disappointing and that you guys like it. Oh, and prreeetttyy pleeeaasseee, REVIEW!!!

So, with that said: see you next time! Enjoy!


	4. Don't

Hey there! I finally got to finish this chapter. I only hope it'll be good enough. Please comment!!

This chapter is still from Sharpay's point of view, but later on there will be some chapters written differently – from the point of view of some others. Don't worry; I'll give information on when that happens.

Another thing: The trailer for the story is up on YouTube now, so if you're interested go and get a look at it. (It's not that good though – read the video description there) The title: What Hurts The Most ; By: JustDifferentMe.

Oh, and there's also a new story I started writing: _The Simple Things of Evergreen_. Check it out!

Enough said! – Go ahead and read - - - - - - And REVIEW!!

* * *

**DON'T**

_You can close your eyes to things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to things you don't want to feel._

In fact it's just nothing more then that. But then again, you cannot walk the Earth blinded by pretending. One day your eyes have to open and your heart must spill your feelings. Just because you don't want to see it, that doesn't make it go away – just because you don't want to feel it doesn't mean it's not true.

I couldn't tell Ryan what happened. For one, I was crying incessantly and my cries made it impossible to form any words. Ryan tried all possible: He rubbed my back, held me in his arms, and said everything to make me stop crying. By the time I calmed down it already darkened and I was too tired to say anything at all – seriously anything. Silently, he led me inside and thankfully didn't push it. I knew he wanted to know it – Jesus, it was basically imprinted on his forehead, but I couldn't. I didn't want myself to know, yet alone him.

For the next 2 hours I departed to my bedroom. Man, was it cold – the perfect atmosphere for the Ice Queen. I hated her at the moment more then anyone else and me too. I hated myself. I just wanted to walk out, walk out and get out of touch with reality. _Illusion is always better. It's just always better._

At eight o'clock, as promised, I showed up in the kitchen, where Ramona waited with a cup of hot chocolate for me. She smiled as she spotted me in the doorway and nodded towards the empty chair beside her. My feet painfully dragged me to the table, where I sat down and held onto the cup, Ramona shoved me across the table, for dear life. As I told her before – it would turn out to be one long and complicated story.

Surprisingly, she never interrupted me until I finished and it somehow wasn't difficult to speak about it. Words came and went, as the sentences started to form a pattern. Troy. The kiss. The feeling. The incident. The knockout. The hatred and betrayal. The Meeting. Gabriella. Troy._ God, the feeling as he whispered in my ear. _Even emotions took over me and my features as I spoke. I was either calm or I was furious. Infatuated or disturbed. But she just sat there, a hand supporting her head and listened as long as it took me to finish. Finally letting my hands fall to my sides, my breathing shallow, I asked her what she thought about it.

"I think……" She started, slowly devouring the information. "…That is a little much drama-Even for you." I blinked a few times and swallowed a lump in my throat, that's been stuck there since I started talking.

"That's all?" I was kind of perplexed.

"No." She laughed and continued, looking at me. "Although I believe you'll have to tell me what you think about it, for me to be able to give you an advice."

"I think it pretty much sucks." I sighed hopelessly and leaned myself back in the chair, crossing my arms.

"Language, Miss Sharpay."

"Aspira, then." I responded quickly.

"Better" She smiled a little – I bet she stiffened back a laugh. I mean, she's the one who swears in Spanish, when mother and father are around. "But that won't help you……And I can't either if you yourself are not in terms with your feelings."

I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment. This _is so messed up. And It's giving me a headache._ Ramona's voice brought me back again.

"Aunque, I would gladly tell that muchacho bonito my mind and send his asno atractivo in the desert. " _Did I hear her right?!_

"Cute butt?" I snorted, with an attempt to stop myself from bursting out laughing out loud and narrowed my head to the side, obviously amused. "Aren't we a little frisky, Ramona?"

"Chica, you can't tell me you disagree with me there, now can you?" Ramona raised an eyebrow at me and placed her hands firmly against her hips, still in a sitting position. She was right. I did not disagree. I couldn't disagree. But, I also couldn't keep a straight face for the next five minutes.

* * *

Somehow, I found myself in front of East High School the next morning - without Ryan. How? He had some kind of meeting with his baseball coach and I told him he should go ahead. If I'd have said, he should wait for me, he would have. But I didn't. _So much for that, eh. _

And there I was, standing at the front doors of East High, not sure, whether I should go in or not. I sighed. I wanted it in no way, but I hadn't much time left. Glancing at my wristwatch, I found it was already 7.50. _Great._

As soon as I found myself inside the old building, I pretty much regretted my decision. Loud voices invaded my ears from all sides, either talking, laughing or even shouting. _Holly_…Damn, my head hurt. It was like someone took a hammer and started recklessly pounding on my skull with it. I would have gladly screamed on top of my lungs for everybody…..to…..shut…up! – What a nice way to catch attention, isn't it? I really didn't need attention that day, so I let it be. _Chatting and flirting, screaming and laughing their heads off – Damn, I hate the suburbs._

I took a few steps down the hallway, when suddenly noticing a few eyes on me….wait, a lot of eyes, actually. _Are they looking at me?_ I slowed down a bit, confused at the reaction. _Excuse me, do I have something on my face or what?_ Then it hit me. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes for a brief second. _The awkward scene yesterday, where I passed out – in the middle of the hallway!_ I almost forgot; how could I forget? As soon as I reopened my eyes, my head rose high. I straightened myself, dismissed the odd looks and I continued down the hall – like a real Ice Queen – towards my locker.

You think the way should have gone pretty well, but I just don't have that kind of luck. Turning the corner, I spotted from afar the group – in details meaning: Taylor, Chad, Kelsi, Jason, Gabriella and Troy – gathered at Taylor's and Gabriella's lockers. The usual: Taylor in Chad's arms, Kelsi in Jason's and Gabriella in…..Troy's. Acting like nothing happened. _Darn, that hurts._ _That really hurts._ Kelsi was the first to notice my presence and as it looked to me, let the others know, when their heads, one by one, turned in my direction. Walking. I kept on walking and I saw the deep blue eyes burning holes through me.

I was a step away from them, when Taylor took that step to meet me in the middle, placing a hand on my arm, before I could even look at her.

"Hey Sharpay, you okay?" Her voice was somewhat concerning. "I mean what happened yesterday was-" I quickly cut her off. So much for a topic I didn't want to hear about.

"I only fainted." My response was hard and quick. "Don't make a soap opera out of it, McCanzie."

My eyes narrowed at the end, obviously not unnoticed. Taylor's mouth was slightly open, and she blinked a few times. Chad, who approached and put an arm around Taylor's waist, decided to butt in. – _Not a good move, Danforth_.

"Whoa, got your PMS or something, Evans?" He chuckled. _Asshole ._"Let me guess - you managed to already make someone cry today?" _What? Does he think this is funny? Haha, what a comedian._

"Sadly, no. But then again it's only 8 am." I said, after glancing from my wristwatch back up at him. "And if you want I can start with you!" I 'barked out' the last part quite harsh, which made his smile cease a little. And before he knew it, I threw in something of my own and crashed my teeth together a few inches in front of his face, as if I was to bite him. He stepped back at that, his eyes somehow wide opened in shock. I moved away from them, approaching Kelsi and Jason, who quickly parted for me to go through. I smiled – _now that's more like it._ Kelsi and Jason were more from the……shy sort of people – that's why they fit so perfectly together. The next in my way and suddenly in my view was _little miss do – it – right_. Innocent, smart and…all that_. Psh, what's so extraordinary about Gabriella Montez is beyond me._

The closer I came though and the longer my eyes stayed on her face – her devastated, sad face, hiding behind a veil of a collected person – the more I remembered what Troy told me and the less I seemed to dislike her. I tried to rotate the compassion into a twisted hatred, but somehow, just somehow I could understand her. _Great, I'm not going to turn into one of those sappy people, am I?_ A step behind her stood Troy. I could see him from the corners of my eyes without looking at him though. My eyes remained on Gabriella, who turned to me completely, clutching the books in her hand to close herself.

I sighed. _Loosing your parents is hard Not very healthy for you at such an age._ I couldn't believe what I was about to do.

And so I tore my eyes from her and let them travel to the floor, tightened the grip on my bag and moved out of her way. I moved out of her way. I moved out of her way! Passing her, I only glanced towards Troy – it wasn't even supposed to be visible, but his eyes were still on me, still burning holes through me. I detached my eyes away from him and strolled down the hallway, to my locker and my first class. Although, I was a few feet away I could still hear it, when Chad and Taylor voiced themselves.

"What was that?"

"I don't know…..but I guess East High's just about to get a little bit colder."

* * *

I wasn't particularly hungry. I basically wasn't hungry at all. It was lunch and there I stood, at the end of the food line, considering, whether to take a plate and place myself in the line or not. It was either take a plate and join the gang or don't and be liberated from sitting at their table. I think I even counted pros and cons in my head, while I glanced at them. They were already seated and were obviously discussing something. I also saw that Gabriella wasn't in the mood for talking. She just sat there. She didn't even seem focused –

"Hey kid, you want something?" I heard a voice and to my surprise turned to a lunch lady looking at me, from behind the counter.

"Excuse me?" I was confused. I didn't quite listen to her.

"You've been standing there for awhile now."

"Oh." I exclaimed "No. No I was-" Something flashed quickly by me, and looking after the person I could tell from the back that it was Gabriella. She stormed right out of the cafeteria; the doors swinging from side to side as she disappeared behind them. I didn't bother to finish the sentence. My gaze drifted to the table again, where I saw Troy already on his way towards me or actually towards the cafeteria doors. I knew he went after her, but the moment he reached me I blocked his way. I stepped in front of him and looked into his eyes, so beautiful – _Now is not the time, Sharpay!_ I kept looking and his eyes also focused on mine. My expression remained the same, it was neither cold, nor was it sad or angry – it was just steady. I don't know why I even did that, but he obviously got the message I wanted to transfer to him. He understood; he let me. Without a word. Without an emotion. That's how I exited the cafeteria through the same doors Gabriella vanished seconds before and I couldn't believe where I was off to.

* * *

I didn't have to look for long. I found Gabriella hunched at the bottom of one of the side stairs. She had her knees pressed to her chest, her hands covering her about now, red and puffy eyes, still crying. I stood there for a few seconds, still at the top of the stairs, with one hand in my hair. _How should I accede to this?_ I never before had to comfort anybody. I had no idea how this was done rightly. Why again was I doing this? I sighed. I guessed I just had to go at it. _Well, here goes nothing_. I entangled my hand from my hair and cleared my throat so that she could hear. She quickly started to wipe at her tear-streaked cheeks, with the sleeve of her shirt and looked up at me, as I came down the stairs to her level.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, as I let myself down on a stair and crossed my arms over my knees. "I mean here in all places?"

"Well, I saw your…..swift exit back there." I shrugged "And I decided to pay you a visit."

"For what? Making fun of me?" Gabriella rolled her eyes and threw her arms in the air. "Go ahead, Sharpay. Give your best shot……… I really don't care."

I watched as she calmed down and snorted to her comment.

"God, you think I'm that shallow?"

She glanced at me, before leaving her eyes to rest on the stairs again. I sighed and leaned back.

"Look, I only came to-"I searched for words that seemed appropriate. This was new to me. "-check on you. You know, whether you are doing alright?"

"Are you kidding me?" She looked me straight in the eyes. "You?" I dismissed that her tone clung mocking and simply held back a harsh remark caught in my throat. It wouldn't help at all.

"Oh, how a reputation brands one, doesn't it?" She didn't respond. Gabriella only lay her head on her arms, which rested on her knees and stared in front of her. Silence filled out the place around us. It wasn't because I had to dig for words to use – I had the words, they were just hard to spit out. Especially to her. However, I managed to swallow my pride and get it over with.

"I'm sorry." The words left my mouth and her eyes found their way to me again. "For what happened to you father."

She straightened and raised her head of her arms. Her arms fell to her sides and she turned to me.

"How do you know about that?" She asked me in a small shock state.

"Well,-" I tried to explain, yet she cut me off with a low voice.

"Troy told you, didn't he?"

"All in all….Yes." I confessed to her, I didn't know though how she came to Troy. I quickly tried to save him from sounding so irresponsible. Why I was concerned about him was unexplainable even to me. "Can't blame him, I kind of...squeezed it out of him. Don't worry no one else knows."

Her eyes left me again and for a while, her stare was unalterable, until it changed to an agony and I could see tears were starting to gather in her eyes.

"He was like my best friend." She cried softly, a tear escaping down her swollen cheek. "You understand what I mean?" She looked back at me again. I have to say I was moved. I never thought I would see Gabriella Montez like that. So vulnerable, her eyes tired from the pain and crying. Then again; she would probably react the same way, if she'd see me in such a position.

"Yes, I believe I do." I whispered sincerely and found that I had already put a hand on her shoulder. This time she didn't look away and rather gave me a small smile, whilst another tear ran down her cheek. I was impressed about the smile from her, so I returned it. And it didn't feel odd. It really didn't.

"Gabriella." A low, gentle voice reached our ears and both, Gabriella and I turned our heads to the source of the sound. There, at the top of the stairs stood Troy, waiting for a response from either of us. "Mrs. Darbus is looking for you. She said your mother's here."

Gabriella slowly nodded, her eyes still glued to him, ere she turned to me again, smiled – this time it was a little wider then the last one – and without my knowledge, pulled me into a hug. Her arms wrapped around my upper torso and she leaned in, her head resting near my shoulder. _Hello!_ That I was startled would be an understatement. My eyes actually popped out. I didn't let people hug me like that very often, except for Ryan and my parents, maybe. I held a breath and when I finally let it out I was able to somehow put my own palms on her back and tapped it lightly. That was odd though. But a good kid of odd.

"Thank you – for 'checking on me' " She breathed and released me from her grip. "I appreciate it."

"No problem." I smiled up at her, when she rose from her seat. I watched as she took the steps up to where Troy waited and pressed a light kiss on her cheek. _Double ouch._

She went down the hall and as soon as she was out of his view, he turned his attention back to me. I also rose and dusted myself off a bit, taking one step at a time up to where Troy was.

"So, how long have you been standing here?" I tried to ask him casually. He obviously didn't want it casually. He fixed his eyes on me, with his hands in his pockets.

"Long enough." He whispered and I found myself staring at those incredible blue eyes of his. _Dammit_. I tore my eyes from his before any emotions could take over and laughed lightly.

"I can't believe I let her hug me."

He chuckled and kept a smile on his lips a little longer, but was somehow again able to capture me in his stare. _Why is he doing this to me?_

"You're a good person, Sharpay Evans." His voice was so soothing; so beautiful to my ears. My eyes remained locked with his, as his hand stretched towards me and tucked a strain of hair behind my ear; so gentle I was almost not able to feel it. I can't remember how I found myself glued to the floor and him suddenly leaning close to me; his lips hovering above mine, his breath tickling my skin. _I can't let this happen._ As much as I wanted this to happen, I couldn't. I just couldn't.

"Don't." I found myself surprised with what I said and the fact that I stepped back. "Please, don't'" I could feel the tears stinging in my eyes, as I kept them on him. I don't know till today what he felt then. I don't know whether he was relieved I stopped him from kissing me again; not happy, but glad it didn't come so far or disappointed at the fact that I rejected him that moment. I don't know now and I didn't know then. I was only looking at him for a while, before I turned around and left the scene, picking up my speed down the hallway.

_Please, don't break my heart again._

* * *

Thanks for reading! That's it for this chapter and…see you next time.

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